Sunday, November 26, 2006

FALL BOOK TOUR FINALE, PART ONE: Barries, 'Berries, 'Hope,' and
the Entrance of Another Tom

Monday, November 12, 2006:
Brandywine Hundred Library
Wilmington, Delaware

So I spent an unseasonably sunbeamy Sunday with my sister and her boyfriend
Tom. Tom is a marine. And over sticky rice at, well, Rice, he tried to
convince me that 'Smashed' is a hit in the barracks. Hmm Tom, I'm not quite
sure I believe you. Although I do appreciate the attempt to inflate my self esteem...
You also got me thinking we ought to organize a literary USO tour!
That would be sweet, wouldn't it? I mean, truly, why would troops want to watch
the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders when they could listen to flat-chested antisocials
read poised, elegiac prose? Listi, Klosterman, Ames, Jablonski: pack your bags,
we're going to Tikrit... Oh, and of course, Jake Coburn! J.C., you in particular,
will be just like Marilyn in Korea.





1 PM- Come Monday, I glided south to Delaware, traveling via train (not plane).
Yessir, I've said it once. And I'll surely say it again: "Amtrak + reward"
= oxymoron...And you know what else doesn't add up?
The cellphone-prohibited car. Please tell me: what good is voicelessness
if it only accentuates the clickty clack of 100 thumbs making urgent, violent
love to their Crackberries? For two hours, I glared at the spasmodic hand
of the man riding next to me. I considered bending his fingers waaay back
'til he dropped his wireless widget and shrieked like a schoolgirl.

7 PM- Evening was a feeble thing. Rain, more rain, fog, and a crescent
moon's snide, little smile. Still, the mood at Brandywine Hundred Library was
happy as any hoedown. (And yes, I'm aware: 'Brandywine' is an apt venue for
a 'Smashed' reading.)

In case you can't tell by the gratuitous group shots,
I had intense, immense, immoderate fun with all sorts of folks from the
Wilmy community. Below: the 'Let's Talk About It' book club; seniors at
Middletown High School; Yesenia Javeras and a cast of assorted, adorable munchkins.

I even walked away with a new book recommendation. Goodness, I love librarians.
You Dewey-Decimalin' gals (and guys) can shush me anytime you like.







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FALL BOOK TOUR FINALE, PART TWO: Gonzagas (or Reasons Not to Reach
Out to the Times in Insomniac States)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Middletown High School & The University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

A (mortified) 7 AM- I awoke Tuesday morning to find a message from gonzo
reporter Charlie LeDuff nesting snug in my email inbox. I was so enamored
of one of his recent stories that I'd sent him a splinter of fan mail, telling him
what a bright spot I'd thought it was on an otherwise joyless news day.

Only, I made the mistake of penning it from the ninth circle of Motel Hell.
(It was 2 a.m. at the time, and I was staying in real mold-on-the-molding,
blood-on-the-door-jam, prison-bus-in-the-parking-lot kind of digs.) I can't
be certain, but maybe the setting colored my message? Maybe I inadvertently
emphasized the dark as opposed to the light? That's the only explanation,
really.. Because dear Charlie's response is appallingly "keep your chin up, kid."
Like: "Koren, feeling crummy? I've been there. Love, Charlie" kinda thing.
So embarrassing. But it'll teach me not to write to the NY Times in the throes of insomnia.

12 PM- Morning went like this: two lectures, three cups of coffee, and 900
15-year-olds. (Thank you by the way, to Joyce and the long-suffering
librarians at Middletown High School--I pray those baby criminals stop nicking
your reference books).

By afternoon, I was frittering the day away in Newark, DE.
I probably should have spent that free time investigating the "61 things every
Delawarian must do." But instead? I stunned my brain with, oh let me see,
two hours of that 'Celebrity Paranormal Project?' Am I alone in saying I'm not
entirely convinced of their findings? I mean Playboy bunnies seem pretty sissy,
pretty spookable under normal circumstances. Can't they get somebody a little bit
tougher up in there? And maybe, also, a shade or two smarter?




5 PM- Dinner and a lecture at the University of Delaware were the most fun you can
have without rollerskates. Thanks again to a wonderful Ms. Tracy Downs and friends
from the Wellspring Student Wellness Program. Thanks also to Kim, from UDel's student
newspaper! Kim, you're a LeDuffette in the making. The Dr. would be proud of you...





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FALL BOOK TOUR FINALE, PART THREE: Adventures in Vehicular Homocide

WENDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2006
MAMARONECK HIGH SCHOOL
MAMARONECK, NEW YORK

An (acutely painful) 6 AM- It's amazing. The moment you get behind the
wheel in Manhattan, a whole new set of people begins to piss you off.
Bike messengers, for instance. Delivery trucks. And, first and foremost:
jaywalkers. As a pedestrian, these are the people who have my empathy.
As a driver, umm, not so much.

Fortunately, to stave off my road rage on the FDR, I had the foresight to fill my
Hertz rent-a-trek with the most calming CDs I could think of. Thank Christ
for that Andrew Bird. 'Mysterious Production of Eggs' might as well be
the sound of crickets and waterfalls for the way it's always lowered my blood pressure.

In a nutshell...On Wednesday, I:
1) Motored over the Triboro Bridge four times.
2) Gave three readings at Mamaroneck High School--which feels more like
a university than some actual universities do.
3) Received one impromptu drum lesson from the young drumming
virtuosos of Mamaroneck High School's 'Force!' (Like Mickey Hart,
"I was a drummer even before I had a set. I was a mental drummer...")

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FALL BOOK TOUR FINALE, PART FOUR: Yippiee Chi-O!

Friday, November 17, 2006
College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina

Noon- So that pesky tornado warning postponed my arrival in Charleston, SC.
And I can't even say no one saw it coming! The girls of Chi Omega later told me
that their horoscopes predicted: "a visitor you've been expecting will be delayed."
Oh, those eerie planets. My, those accurate stars...

That said, 'Smashed' is not deterred by high-wind warnings. And I made it down to
Chucktown just in time for lunch with Caitlin, Lauren and Megan of Chi Omega sorority.
(The girls joked that they were going to call me "asshole," so as not to jar me with
the Southern hospitality that I mentioned in my Virginia blog.)

I also got to spend time with Jeri O. Cabot, who is, hands down, the most
intelligent and (dare I say) coolest Dean of Students I've ever encountered
in my travels. Jeri, I'm available anytime you want to talk Bravo TV with me.





3 PM- Later that afternoon, the girls took me on a walking tour of Charleston.
God, it was the closest I've come to a vacation in a really long time. The weather?
Flushed. The sunset? As pastel as any of the homes on 'Rainbow Row.' The ladies
at the Governor's House Inn even spoiled me with chocolate cake and
'low country afternoon' tea, which sure beats my 'high city' variety.





6 PM- I cannot thank the girls of Chi Omega enough for an extraordinary event.
Would you believe they got over 500 students to turn up on a Friday night!
I can't remember the last time I had so much fun with a microphone. Afterward, I
had (another) delightful meal with Caitlin, Megan, Lilah and Andrea in downtown
Charleston. In case you haven't noticed all they did was feed me like a starved, stray kitty.





11 PM- To top things off, I even got to hang with another dear writer pal,
who, as luck would have it, also had a gig in the area.

Anyway, I'm afraid that's it for now. No more tour dates until the winter
holidays are finished...Would you believe I got home yesterday and found
the streets of Manhattan had been strung with Christmas bulbs while I was
away? The speakers of every storefront are already spewing: "Christmas Eve
will find me/where the love light gleams."

In closing, thanks again to everyone who's crossed my path--
either here or in real life's 3D.

I am collecting beautiful things.
(...you are ALL very beautiful things.)

x Koren

posted by Koren at 8:03 AM